Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
