tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
