just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
