i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Holy sore nipples Batman
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
