Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize