He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
