so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
