I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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