What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
