bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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