Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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