wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
