her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
