Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
