After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
