I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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