You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
