this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
