Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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