That's when you crack a 10am beer
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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