My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
