I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
