my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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