i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Shame - the story of my life.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
