Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
