Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
FUCK WHALES
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