he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just found a bag of teeth...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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