I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
