his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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