If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
