You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
