I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
did i just pee glitter
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
