Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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