I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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