Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
