Sry I called you an 8
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
