Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just had sex on a roof
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
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