You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
