I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
