Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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