There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
