M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
