Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
