During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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