i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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