I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I look better un-naked...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
