I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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