i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
