According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
