is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
