dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
why do cheetos always look like penises
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
