Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
