so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
