I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
