before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
