shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
how drunk are you?
Several
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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