Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Randomize
