i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
