sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
