You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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