I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
