life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
