I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
