I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
