he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
