this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
