I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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