How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
