I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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