Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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